Conversations for Change

  Ebook released today: “Wives abuse husbands too” is a common response to the much needed resources that have been produced in recent years to help abused wives. The Emotionally Abusive Mindset: Its Effects & How to Overcome Them in Christ is a new resource that addresses abusive wives. It also covers husband to wife, parental, and sibling abuse, as well as abuse of older people, people with disabilities, and spiritual abuse. The ebook will be available from November the 8th and the print version from November 29th. You can find the book here

  Having worked for decades with people who have been taken advantage of or abused during childhood, I have often looked for a resource that would be a useful tool in helping protect young people from such harm. Safeguards: Shielding our Homes & Equipping our Kids is such a resource. Part one addresses the need for wisdom, part two explores equipping children with safety skills, and part three addresses equipping teenagers and young adults with safety skills. The book is realistic about the possible harmful situations young people could face and gives practical suggestions to adults about how to equip them to be able to know what to do in those situations. The types of situations covered are thorough and realistic for today’s world. I highly recommend the book. 

  Women can be upset at being pregnant for a variety of reasons. Perhaps she has many children already and believes that she could not physically, emotionally, or financially care for another. She could have been raped and the thought of baring the rapist’s child horrifies her. It is possible the baby is an inconvenience to her career and social life. It is possible that her partner will beat her and punish her in numerous ways because she has become pregnant against his wishes. These are just a few examples that show that there are different reasons motivating women when they abort their babies. Ending a life is wrong, at the same time, it is very important that we understand why women take such a drastic step. Some women do it out of desperation, believing there are no other viable options. I am not saying that this is right, what I am saying is that it is important that we compassionately understand what was going on in her life at the time. Women who have abortions experien...

  Ed Welch, in I have a Psychiatric Diagnosis: What Does the Bible Say? tries to give those of us who are helping people who have been given a psychiatric diagnosis discover what God says about it and how the Bible speaks in ways that can help counselors find wisdom, rest, and hope in Jesus. He explains what the human heart is, how it functions, and how the Spirit changes our hearts. Welch argues that psychological categories help people see human struggles while spiritual categories include these struggles as well as how God speaks in every detail in our lives. He then goes on to the practical by looking at how we can help people who have been given specific diagnosis. These being anxiety and panic attacks, trauma, depression, and narcissism. This book does not argue theory about the DSM. It is a helpful and practical book for counselors looking for insights into how to help those they meet with who have been diagnosed

  Angry with God is written to help people who are angry due to suffering in life. Brad Hambrick encourages the reader to map out their lives to see the impact of what they are going through on who they are. From here, he uses Psalm 44 as an example of how to bring your suffering and pain to a God who understands and is compassionate. Hambrick urges the reader to go to God with their pain. He emphasizes the importance of relationship with him, this being in contrast to well-meaning others who can (mis)use the Bible to try to get you to feel better and in the process are quite dismissive of your suffering. The main strengths of the book are its understanding of the emotional impact of suffering and pointing people to God

  It is an incredibly painful experience to lose someone you love. This is especially true if you lose your spouse. When you are grieving, you go through a whole range of things from constant crying, to crying at unexpected times, times of deep loneliness and sorrow, and even experiencing literal heartache. Everywhere you go, you are reminded that your husband has gone. He is no longer sitting at the table at meal times, is not there when you come home, you no longer sit next to him at church. When you go out with friends, the others are couples, while you are on your own. Throughout your marriage, you divided the responsibilities. Now he is gone, you have to learn to do the things he always took care of. Perhaps this included the garden, car maintenance, and finances.     The horribleness of your experience is normal. When God made us, death did not exist. It was only after people rebelled against God, that suffering and death became part of existence. The grief of losin...

  It is deeply painful for a woman to be abandoned. Perhaps she was rejected and deserted by someone who was supposed to love and care for her. She might have been left all alone. Maybe she has to raise her children by herself. The pain is especially hard if she was abandoned for someone else. If this has happened, I would expect her to struggle with anger, resentment, shame, guilt, and a low view of herself. She will probably wonder where she went wrong and what the other woman has that she does not. She might wonder if anyone cares for her and if God cares for her.   In chapter 16 of the first book of the Bible, Genesis, we read about how the Lord cared for an abandoned woman. Abram, the Father of the people of Israel, used his servant Hagar, in an attempt to ensure that he had a male heir. After Hagar conceived, she looked on Abram’s wife, Sarai, with contempt. Sarai responded by making treating Hagar so harshly, she fled. Hagar was on her own and in a place of grave ...

  In days gone by, women in the U.K. were not allowed to vote. It is only in recent history that it has been illegal for men to physically abuse their wives. Countless women have or are being treated as inferior to men. This has led to many women asking the question – does God care about women? To answer that question, we have to look at the place where God communicates with us – the Bible. If we go to the first chapter of the first book, Genesis, we already see the answer. We discover that God made both men and women in his image. Men and women both are made to, in some sense, be like him. That raises the question: how come so many women are discriminated against? We find the answer to that in the third chapter of the same book, Genesis. There we discover that both the man and the woman rebelled against God and chose to do their own thing. One of the many repercussions is that there is tension in relationships. Sometimes this is expressed by men selfishly ruling over women...

  Last time, we discussed the importance of what we are thinking, what is going on in our minds. This time, I would like to go a bit deeper and look at what is behind the thought. Perhaps an example will help. If you remember, way back in the beginning, we talked about how depression is often linked to suffering. A middle-aged woman had always hoped in some way that her parents would acknowledge the cruel ways that they had treated her and come to love and accept her, like normal families. When they died without that happening, she couldn’t get out of bed. She thought • I am unwanted • Nobody cares • What’s wrong with me that people don’t treat me right • What do I lack that other people do have, who are loved by their parents If we go deeper, we can see the desires behind the thoughts: • I want my parents to love me • I want to be loved • I want to be accepted • I want the wrong way I am treated to be acknowledged • I want to be treated right • I want to have normal relationships...

  We’ve been talking about depression… It is very important that you get medical advice and follow it. Sometimes the feelings of depression are caused by medical issues, so it is vitally important that you get medical help and follow the advice that you have been given While acknowledging the suffering that you are going through, there are practices that will help you as you face your depression and try to pick up daily life again For example, decide a time that you would like to get out of bed by. For example 9 a.m. You might feel that it takes everything out of you and that you are going against every fibre in your body to do it, but please do. Then the following week, as well as getting out of bed by 9 a.m., make your bed as well The week after that, as well as getting out of bed at 9 a.m. and making your bed, be dressed by 10 a.m. It is very helpful to get physical exercise. Try to go for a walk for about 15 minutes. Now, I know this sounds like the impossible to yo...

  I want to explore sorrow a bit more. We live at a time when it is understood to be normal to always be happy. If you stay unhappy, there is something wrong with you. While there is truth in that, as it is not a good thing to go through life as a grump, sorrow is a part of life In one of the books of the Bible, Ecclesiastes, it says that life on earth is full of sorry. In other places, we read of sorrow coming from lost relationships, the judgement of God on sin, and even parental sorrow at how their adult children have turned out.   Our Lord speaks into our sorrow by being with us. His people Israel could experience their sorrow fleeing because of the Lord’s intervention in their lives. Jesus promised his disciples that their sorrow because he was leaving them would turn to joy when he came back.   Sorrow is real in this life and our Lord knows this. Yet he comes to us in our sorrow, and this relationship with him is our source of hope and can lead us to possible ...

  In this life, we can experience deep sorrow and hurt. We live at a time when we are expected to always be happy. But there are times when it is normal to sorrow:   ·         The death of a loved one ·         Being falsely accused, slandered, lied about ·         The loss of reputation, with loss of relationship as a result. This is especially sorrowful when the loss was due to lies ·         Loss of health ·         Not being able to do what you enjoyed doing because of ill health ·         Not being able to see the people you love   Sorrow is a normal part of life, which feels like depression and can lead to depression.   Our Lord does care about us in our times of sorrow. We read in the Bible that Jesus was a man of sorrows and acquaint...

  Recently, I have heard from a number of people about their struggle with feelings of depression. They speak about a lack of hope, of purpose, and about finding it hard to handle and understand suffering.    Some of them have asked: “What’s the point?” “Why am I here?” “Does anyone care?” “What are the reasons for getting out of bed in the morning?” and “If I was to die, would anyone notice?”   These are incredibly important questions about the reason why each of us live.   In the Bible we discover the reason. In the first book, the book of Genesis, we discover that God made people and made them in such a way that they are very different to animals. He made people to be like him. Each and every one of us has purpose and dignity because God made us.   Later in the Bible, in the New Testament, we discover that Christians were chosen by God, adopted by him, given the purpose of becoming like him in their character, and that he gives us things to do th...

 Some hopefully helpful suggestions for battling anxious thoughts