Conversations for Change

  Dr. Kevin Hurt teaches us about how to help angry people.

  Many Christians have gone through dark nights of the soul. They have clung onto the Lord and life in times of deep despair and sorrow in this fallen world. If they have believed that Christians should never be like this, their grief and sorrow is compounded. Midnight Mercies, by Christine Chappell, gives voice to the experience of despair. While being written for depressed mothers, the book will be helpful for anybody in such a dark place. Chappell looks at common experiences despairing people have, examines people from Scripture who went through the same, and points to helpful Scriptural truth. Chappell ends describing how experiencing the gracious Lord Jesus brought life and hope and transformed her view of herself and her situation. I highly recommend this book. The book is available  here

  Ed Welch has written an excellent short book about how to care for others while they are grieving. In the book, he covers how to respond wisely with wisdom, with compassion, and with humility. In each section, he gives real life examples of how people have cared well and cared badly. Then he walks us through how to care well by asking the reader practical, reflective questions. This is an excellent short book, which I would highly recommend. The book can be purchased  here

  It is probably true that all of us go through times when we have questions about our faith and know the importance of looking for answers. This gives us an understanding heart for teenagers when they have questions about the faith they are growing up with. Mike McGarry in Discover: Questioning Your Way to Faith provides short but robust answers to 20 questions that teenagers commonly ask. These questions cover apologetics, doctrine, hermeneutics, ethics, mental health, and the spiritual life. It is an excellent resource to use as a platform for talking about, thinking over, and discussing these issues.

  Probably all of us know people who struggle with anxiety and depression that is in some way related to their social media use. John Perritt, in   Social Media Pressure: Finding Peace Alongside Jesus is written as a response. He writes   about a number of ways in which people’s relationships, mental health, and perception of the world around them are affected by the way they use social media. Perritt gives advice about how people can gain more peace in their lives, how they can relate more thoughtfully, and how they can recognize when they are addicted. Social Media Pressure is a helpful book that gives some basic guidelines about using social media in a healthy way.

  After having raised three teenage children, Kristen Hatton wrote Parenting Ahead: Preparing Now for the Teen Years  to share some of what the Lord taught her with parents who are still to reach this stage. Often parents of younger children are looking for advice and help because they are fearful of the teen years. The book is split into three parts: Part 1: a foundation for long range, redemptive, hope-filled parenting Part 2: some pitfalls that deter parents from living out the gospel or cause them to lose sight of it And Part 3: what living redemptively in the home might look like. Parenting Ahead is a very helpful book that touches on the basics of these areas. It would be useful to read this book with parents and then explore how to apply what it suggest to their own situations

  When people meet with me for soul care, they often speak about their medical diagnoses. Not being trained in the medical field means that it is crucial that I not only inform myself about their condition, but that I also ensure that they are receiving professional medical help. The Christian Counselor's Medical Desk Reference is an excellent resource for people like myself who are looking to inform themselves about medical conditions. The book is split into two sections. Section one addresses general principles that can be used for framing our thinking about counseling people with medical conditions. Section two looks at specific medical and psychiatric diagnosis with biblical principles offered to apply to help. For the non-American, please be aware that on the odd occasion, an author addresses issues specific to the American context.  This is an excellent resource I highly recommend to be used to help give a basic understanding of the medical issues that people suffer from. The

For people seeking to help women know the Lord's life-giving grace after such horrific suffering. Reprinted and republished from a previous version. Ebook available here on February 21st, print version on March 21st.

  Gaslighting is a term that we hear a lot. It comes from the play “Gaslight” in which a husband tries to convince his wife that she is insane so that he can steal from her.  It is about crazy making. ' G aslighting' where the abuser slowly corrodes the foundation of logic on which a person has learned to make decisions and take action; and doubts her own perceptions . When an abuser is gaslighting, they say and do things that lead the victim to doubt their own perceptions.    Here are some examples:   ·         Ask her to pick something up and later deny that they asked, or vice versa ·         Always want their steak well done and then say they want it rare. Or vice versa. In each scenario, the abuser accuses the victim that they should know this and being stupid for not ·       Things disappear for an unknown reason only to reappear after looking for a long period. For example, the car keys might not be where they are always put. After searching for them for a long

  This is very difficult to answer because everyone is different. Abusers turn their victims into being loyal toward them. If anyone is seen to question that, it is treated as being against them. You require a lot of wisdom.   Here are some suggestions:   ·         If you push what you see, your child might think you don’t understand and believe the abuser that you are against them and their love ·         Try to stay in their lives in a wise way. The abuser will probably sense that you are not easily controlled and speak badly of you to your child. This could result in their mind becoming poisoned against you and usually leads to isolation ·         If you do nothing, it will be terrible for your child ·         Pray for the Lord’s leading, wisdom, or for him to provide opportunities to speak ·         Try to spend time with them when you don’t speak about the abuser ·         Speak to your child about life and situations from a life-giving biblical perspective. This w

  Without suggesting you become suspicious, it is important to note that abusive patterns can start to become evident before a couple gets married. Addressing these can help people possibly avoid making a bad decision.   Things to look out for may include:   ·         Persuading the other person to come to bed ·         Getting them to expose themselves in person or online ·         Rape before marriage ·         Starting to control how they spend their money ·         Starting to control how much time they spend with others and who they see, including relatives ·         Not being willing to admit to any wrongdoing in a conflict or disagreement, while putting the blame solely on the other ·         Not allowing the other to have their own viewpoint, while putting them under pressure to accept theirs’ as the only right perspective ·         A change in your child’s character. Have they lost interest in the things that have always been important to them? Have they chan

  We often hear people being described as narcissists, but what does it mean?   The secular world defines a narcissist in the DSM as:   A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood, and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by 5 or more of the following:   ·        Has a grandiose sense of self-importance ·        Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love ·        Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people or institutions ·        Requires excessive admiration ·        Has a sense of entitlement ·        Is interpersonally exploitative ·        Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others ·        Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of them ·        Sh

  Are you concerned about the way that someone is treating you or treating someone you care about? Do you suspect their behavior might be abusive? How could you tell? To be able to know how to spot abusive behavior, we must first have some insights into what abuse is. Abuse involves someone who is entitled and expects the victim to live for them. Life for the victim has to revolve around the abuser, which is expressed by controlling the victim.   Researchers have discovered a number of behaviors included in this type of behavior:   ·        Verbal abuse   If someone is being verbally abusive, they will speak in an attacking or hurtful manner. Overt abuse is “openly demeaning” behavior that includes belittling, yelling, name-calling, criticizing, ordering around, sulking, accusing, ridiculing, insulting, trivializing, expressing disgust toward you, threatening, blaming, humiliating, shouting, and shaming.  Covert abuse is subtle. It includes discounting, negating, accusing, denyin